oh god the rape fog is back!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
