he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
