i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
