somebody snuck up and got me drunk
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
