my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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