our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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