The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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