Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
