Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She needs sedatives and a leash
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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