I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
