He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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