No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
