new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
