i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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