So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
