You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
