does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
