the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am one with the molecules
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
