he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
