My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the condom got lost in my hair
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
COCAINE IS GR8
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
