His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My cat gives me a boner
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
