Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
