WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
