I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
