did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
