did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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