Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
