She said her name was "party"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
