I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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