I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
