In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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