How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
