Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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