don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
