This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Someone came in the potted fern
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
