In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
