I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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