i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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