At least make sure they are 18
Why
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
