What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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