I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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