pop tarts are not kleenex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
