I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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