He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
