dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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