It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
