We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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