I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
