as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
