I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
