It's Friday. Sex?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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