I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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