I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
