I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
