dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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